Cirque Chronicles Part 1 Capture
by HeCallsMeHisChild
Summary: Zim was just planning a typical daily plan for domination...who knew so much could change in a day, especially when the Cirque de Defect are claiming him as a bounty? Collaboration with CJBTDI. Humor, Drama, and Hurt/Comfort ensues.
1. Interruption

**Note: **Okay. This is going to be a trial for something completely different. There are three things different about this fic. First, this entire story was roleplayed. Second, there will eventually (in the far distant future) be a romance in it. Thirdly, there are a chock ton of OCs in it. All that being said, please give it a chance. This is a trial. I'm open to CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. This was a collaboration between CJBTDI and I. In this story, I played the part of the canon characters, and he played the OCs. He came up with all the OCs in this first story, and yes, I say first, because this story is so bloody long it has to be split into at least two if not more. All that being said, enjoy, give it a shot, and let us know what you think.

Zim scowled at his latest plan for world domination. It wasn't behaving like it was supposed to behave, and the reactions were all wrong. It had to be just right, otherwise it wouldn't cause the sort of pain he wanted it to cause the human race. A small smile curled the corners of his mouth. He wanted it to hurt a lot, especially the particularly annoying human named Dib. But it needed more adjustments, always more adjustments. He peered at it, bringing his face closer. Maybe if the thingamajiger were closer to the doohicky…

"Ahem."

"AUGH!" Zim leaped three feet into the air. On landing, he spun around, lasers extended, shouting, "WHO IS THIS? WHO DARES INTRUDE UPON THE BASE OF ZIM? DIB, IF THAT'S YOU I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD THIS TIME, I SWEAR!"

The Irken who stood there stared at Zim. He stood at least two feet higher than the tiny Invader, and a red top hat gave the illusion of further height. A bright red cloak flowed from his shoulders, covering most of his form. Red antennae poked out from under his hat, and his red eyes gave no indication of his thoughts.

Zim blinked. "Whoever you are, you like red. Is that…" He stared. The Irken's skin was covered in red markings. A singular red mark could be seen over one eye when the Irken blinked. "Right, state your business in the base of Zim!"

The Irken wore a bored expression in spite of the laser waving in his face. "If you would please put your little toy away before someone gets hurt, that would help."

Zim stiffened, outraged. "Little toy? Little toy? This is no toy, it is an F-361 Mega-powered laser, and you… you're not Dib. Who are you, and what are you doing in my base? Are you here to steal my mission? YOU'RE AFTER MY ROBOT BEE TOO, AREN'T YOU?"

The Irken opened his mouth to answer, but Zim shouted, "AREN'T YOU?" The Irken paused, then tried again, only to be over-screamed by "AREN'T YOU?"

His upper lip twitched slightly. "Yes… I did in fact say 'little toy'. I have no use for such weapons, I have more power than you could ever conceive. As for a robot bee as you called it, that just sounds plain idiotic."

Zim sputtered. "I built that robot bee myself, it has powers that YOU cannot conceive of!" He retracted his lasers into his PAK and stormed over to the nearest shelf, pulling out the bee. "Now, you fool, witness the power of the bee!" The bee's wings stirred, then began flapping. It rose out of Zim's hands and headed straight toward the Irken. It proceeded to fly in lazy circles around his head. The Irken continued to stare at Zim as the bee maintained its circular flight path for a full minute.

Zim shifted a little. "Well… sometimes it doesn't respond on command."

The Irken transferred his gaze to Zim. Something flashed at the tip of his cane, and Zim glanced down. The shaft of the cane had morphed into a gleaming red sword blade. It flashed through the air and returned to its place, leaving the bee to crash to the ground in two halves.

Zim's jaw dropped and he sputtered, "You… you… my bee!"

"Terribly sorry for that," The alien shrugged. "But you did say that it had powers I could not conceive of. I thought it could withstand mine. And it turns out, I was wrong."

Zim seethed, "What are you doing here, and what do you want? Who are you?"

"The name is Riddick, and, well, don't take this personally, but the Almighty Tallests have placed a bounty on your head for about a month now. I wouldn't have cared for such trivial matters of the Tallests, but it is indeed a handsome sum, which does lead to my benefit."

Zim blinked once. Then twice. Then he grinned. "Ha. Haha. I see. You are amusing."

Riddick's eyes narrowed. "If you knew me well enough, you would know I do not amuse."

Zim's grin vanished, replaced by a scowl. "I see. Then this is a test from the Tallests to prove my worthiness yet again." He puffed out his chest. "Very well then."

Riddick raised an antenna, squinting at the tiny Irken. "Please, dear boy, do not make this as hard as it already seems to be. I should let you know the bounty does not say to bring you back alive."

Nodding, Zim waved his hand distractedly. "Yes, yes, get on with it already so I can defeat you, prove my worthiness, and get back to conquering this spinning ball of dirt."

"You think I'm going to fight you? Oh please dear boy, I do not wish to get my hands dirty over someone like you. I have people for that. I merely came down to give you a warning so we wouldn't have to go through any unpleasantness, but it does seem that you are not backing down. Are you quite certain you will not come quietly?"

Zim growled in annoyance. "I do not have all day, project Elephant Squish is a time sensitive thingy, so are you going to attempt your pitiful capture, which will most certainly fail, or are you going to leave with your tail between your legs, as the hyumans like to say?"

Sighing, Riddick snapped his fingers. "As you wish." The labs began shaking. Wires and tubes snapped from their places, spraying steam and smoke and sparks everywhere. Chunks of the ceiling began crashing down around Zim as the entire house was ripped from the ground and moved out of the way. A medium sized silver ship hovered overhead, engines thrumming loudly. But the last thing on Zim's mind was his cover being blown.

"MY BEAUTIFUL BASE! NO! NO! MY BASE! NO! NO!" Zim screamed over the loss of his base for the second time, continuing on for a good five minutes.

Riddick stood there, watching him with a bemused expression. But finally he shook his head and said, "Now then, since you don't want to cooperate I shall call someone down to assist you. LUR—" His shout was cut off by a joyful shriek. Glancing up, he spotted a small Irken form falling from the ship.

"HIIIII MASSSSTERRRR RIDDDICK!"

Groaning, Riddick extended his cane, projecting a red net from it. The Irken tumbled into it, lying there for a moment before it dissolved, dumping her to the ground. It stood, grinning. "That was fun! Fun fun fun let's do it again!"

Zim stared in revulsion. The antennae marked her as female, but it was hard to tell anything else. She had one purple eye and one arm. One of her antennae was shriveled close to her head, and she was completely wrapped in bandages. "WHAT IS THAT?"

Riddick grimaced. "Klitia. Also known as a giant pain."

Zim rolled his eyes. "Oh. One of THOSE. I have one of those. In face, you took him away with my base. RETURN TO ZIM!"

Ignoring him, Riddick snapped, "How many times do I have to tell you, Klitia? The escape pod launch pad is not a toy. I'm tired of saving you. It's the third time this week."

Klitia blinked a few times. "But it's still fuuuuuun!"

"I need to rethink my recruiting methods," Riddick mumbled to himself.

"Zim is tired of delays!" Zim shouted. Extending his spiderlegs, he launched at Riddick, giving a ridiculous warbling war cry.

Riddick half-turned toward him. "Oh, right, forgot about you for a second." A circle of red light surrounded him, and Zim's stabbing spiderlegs glanced off it." "Klitia, since you're here, will you take care of this for me?"

Klitia turned and stared at Zim. "Who's that, Master Riddick?"

Riddick sighed as Zim continued attacking the impenetrable red light with his spiderlegs. "Klitia, remember the meeting we held about the bounty?"

She blinked. "Uh-huh."

Zim shouted in frustration. "Coward!"

Riddick continued. "And the other meeting about the plan to capture the Irken of the bounty?"

"Yeah."

"COWARD!"

"And the big picsture of the Irken who has the bounty?"

"FIGHT ME!"  
"Uh huh.

"FIGHT ZIM!"

"So," Riddick pointed his cane toward Zim. "Who do you think he is?" Zim was raining blows on the shielding, accomplishing absolutely nothing.

Klitia stared at Zim for a long time, then turned back to Riddick. "A friend of yours?"

Riddick closed his eyes. "I don't have friends, Klitia."

She grinned. "You have meeeeeee!"

Riddick frowned, pulling out a communicator from his cloak. "I really don't want to deal with this right now." He pressed a button. "Lurich! Answer now!"

A trembling voice answered, "H-hello, Master Riddick?"

Riddick blinked. "Lorelie, what are you doing at the intercom, I thought Lurich was driving the ship!"

The voice wavered, "He's… um… taking care of a matter…

"And that would be?"

"He's… um… out cold… when Klitia jumped out he tried to stop her and… um…sorry."

Riddick sighed, rubbing his temples. This was not what he needed. As Zim continued attacking the red light, another voice intruded from down the sidewalk.

"WOW!"

Zim groaned, grabbing his antennae. "Not NOW Dib-stink!"

Dib stood on the sidewalk, gaping at the ship over his head. "This… this is what I need! This is proof!" He glanced down. And you don't have your disguise! AND THERE ARE MORE ALIENS! OH WOW! I gotta get my camera!" He pelted back down the sidewalk.

"No, you idiot foolslave, come back and assist Zim!" Zim shouted after him. Riddick continued rubbing his temples. This was not going to be as easy as he'd hoped it would be.


	2. Candy, Cameras, and Craters

The front door slammed. Gaz refused to dignify the intruder with a glare as she reclined on the couch, fiddling with her Gameslave.

"Oh boy, this is it. There's a huge ship in the sky and three—THREE—aliens, including Zim, WITHOUT DISGUISES! I gotta find my camera, Gaz, have you seen my camera?"

"On the counter," she grunted, "Where you left it last night."

"Thanks Gaz!" He darted over and snatched it up. Striking a dramatic pose, the crowed, "Now, to expose the alien threat and save the world!" With that, he turned and ran out the door.

Gaz mumbled, "Yeah. You do that."

Dib barely heard her in his mad dash back to the area that used to be Zim's base. He hoped they hadn't left…. No! They were still there. Zim was still vainly attacking the red light, the flashy-looking red-cloaked alien was still standing there, ignoring Zim, and the small bandaged one hopped around, giggling madly.

Dib popped the lens off his camera and started snapping pictures. "Why are there so many aliens, huh Zim? Has the invasion come? Or are they trying to steal the mission from you, like Tak?"

Zim spared a glare for him. "Shut up! Something about a bounty and some stupid test, that's all, they are testing Zim. Now if you are not going to help, go back to your miserable existence far away from Zim before I turn your planet to rubble!"

Dib arched an eyebrow. "But you're already planning to do that…"

Zim paused. "Oh yeah… DO NOT DISTRACT ZIM! And give me that camera!" He turned, lunging for Dib.

Dib yipped, stumbling backward and clutching the camera for dear life. Zim tackled him, swinging his fists. Dib threw up his arms to defend himself, and the camera flew out of his hands, skittering across the pavement toward the bandaged Irken. Shoving Zim hard, he broke free and crawled toward the camera.

The bandaged Irken picked up the camera and pointed it at the flashy one. "Hey Master Riddick, you're on TV!" Dib latched onto that. So the flashy one was Riddick, and he was apparently the leader of the smaller one. He ran toward her.

"Hey! Gimme back my camera! Are you sick or something? Why do you have all those bandages? Who are you?"

She glanced up at him, then started walking around him, looking him all over. Once she'd satisfied herself, she gave a razor-toothed smile and bubbled, "I's Klitia. Your head is big!"

Dib snarled, "MY HEAD IS NOT BIG!" Snatching the camera, he turned and stormed away from her.

Riddick raised an antenna. "That was a bad move, boy."

Glaring, Dib growled, "That's MY camera, I'm just taking it back. Who are YOU anyway? Who are all of you, and why are you on Earth?"

Klitia's smile had vanished, replaced by fury. "Gimme back the filmy thing!"

Dib backstepped, still clutching it. "It's my camera, not yours!"

Klitia raised her single arm and twisted her body, cartwheeling toward Dib. She landed a solid kick to his stomach. While the camera flew through the air, she dove for it, catching her prize. Standing, she waved it in the air, smiling again. She turned it up toward the ship and keeps filming. "HIIIII GUYYYYYS!"

Riddick looked at Dib, who lay sprawled on the ground, groaning. "Should have told you, she doesn't do well when you make her mad, dear boy. Good think you're not Irken. She's actually quite acrobatic."

Zim laughed. "Inferior hyuman! Witness the power of even a mentally defective Irken to defeat you, MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Watch yourself, boy. Klitia doesn't really like Irkens too much," Riddick commented.

Zim turned on him, the laughter becoming a growl as quickly as it started. "You, you don't have the guts to fight Zim. Why won't you fight me yourself, you fool, instead of having your minions do the work?"

Dib pushed himself up, gasping. "I need… that… camera… need… proof…"

Riddick stared calmly at Zim. "Because you don't look like much of a fight."

Zim's face darkened, and his eyes burned. He started picking up pebbles, rocks, twigs, and hurling them at Riddick. Whatever he could reach quickly became a projectile. "FOOL! I AM ZIM, BEST OF THE ELITE, GRADUATED TOP OF MY CLASS! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO YOU ARE DEALING WITH?"

Klitia turned back to film Zim, dodging little stones and laughing. "Funny!"

Dib made a grab for the camera while she was turned, tugging on it. "My camera!"

She somersaulted over his head and landed behind him, grinning. "Mine!"

Dib gaped, twisting around. "What the…how…" He gritted his teeth, then paused. A grin crept across his face as he reached into his pocket, pulling out the candy he usually kept to bribe GIR. Shaking it in front of her face, he coaxed, "You like treats?"

Klitia stared at the candy, mesmerized. "Oooooooooh…"

Riddick snorted. "She's always a sucker for candy. And Irkens."

"You want it?" Dib pulled it away a little. "Huuuuuh? You want… Irkens? What are you talking about?" He glanced back at Riddick, a little alarmed.

Riddick tilted his head. "Didn't I mention? She eats Irkens."

"IRKENS TASTE GOOOOOOOOD!" She drooled.

"Which is why I said she doesn't usually like them very much," Riddick continued, brushing off his shoulder. "I'm surprised she hasn't ripped Zim limb from limb, but she's having fun."

Zim froze, staring at Klitia in fear. Dib looked fascinated. "Really…"

"Don't you even think about it, hyman," Zim hissed.

Riddick shrugged. "She's already eaten from a previous raid, so I'm sure she isn't hungry… yet."

Dib sighed. "Doesn't matter. I need Zim to prove aliens exist, so she can't eat him anway."

Zim looked slightly relieved—and a little peeved. An ally was an ally, but the Dib was always SO insistent on dissecting him. It wasn't much better than being eaten, in Zim's opinion.

Dib returned his attention to Klitia. "So, you want candy? Huh? You want it?"

Klitia bounced up and down. "Uh huh! Uh huh!"

"Okay, well then you just gotta do ooooooooone thing for me, ok?"

"Ok, ok, what what what?"

"Gotta go back to the ship and stay there, ok?"

Klitia looked up, then frowned. "Can't."

"She jumped out of the ship, idiot." Riddick jeered.

Dib blinked. "Don't Irkens have jets in their PAKs or something?"

"Her PAK was badly damaged It barely functions anymore."

Groaning, Dib tried again, "Then go run that way, okay? I'll give you the candy if you go for a run, that way." He pointed down the street.

She squinted in that direction. "Hmmmmmmm…. Ummmmmm…. OK!"

Dib extended the candy, then clapped his hands, mustering up as much false enthusiasm as he could. "Go on now, that way, go run!" He noticed the camera still in her hand, and sighed, giving it up for lost. She snatched the candy out of his hand with her teeth, pushing it into the side of her cheek and grinning.

"YAAAAAAAY! I GOT CANDY!" She turned and began running. She only made it a few steps before a second figure fell from the ship. It hit the ground hard, throwing Klitia back toward Riddick. "WHEEEEEEE!" She shrieked, waving her arm and stub. "Hi Master Riddick!"

Riddick sighed.

Zim and Dib turned, staring at the new crater in the middle of the road. Dib crept to the edge of the crater, and peered over the lip.

Out of the crater rose a seven foot Irken. Black plated armor adorned his upper body while black pants and boots completed the simple ensemble. The shoulderpads and slim chestplate of the armor strained to contain his muscles. He stared at the hole he had made with pleasure, his dark green eyes reflecting a savage enjoyment. They darkened as he turned his gaze toward the group in front of him. Zim stared up at the newcomer with a sinking feeling. His confidence in attaining victory had just dropped a few notches.


	3. In Which Frustration Enues

Nervous, Zim stepped back a few paces, chuckling, "Hehe, I trust he likes to eat normal Irken food?"

Tilting his head back, Dib gaped in awe. "WOW!"

The giant ignored them both, eyes sweeping over the group. "Klitia! Where are ya? I'm gonna rip ya in half for the bruise on my head!"

Giggling, Klitia scampered back and forth. "HIIIIII LURICH!"

Furious, Lurich stomped over to Klitia and tried to grab her. She dodged easily, still laughing at him.

"Missed me, missed me!" She sang.

"Hold still, ya runt!" He fumbled for her, missing each time.

Dib was ecstatic. "OH WOW, OH WOW! THIS IS TOO COOL! Hey Zim, is this one of your Tallests? Huh? Huh?"

"Of course not, you insignificant imbecile," Zim returned, "He looks too stupid to be a Tallest."

Antennae twitching, Lurich turned and stared at Zim, eyes narrowed. Dib groaned. " Um… Zim… I think that word is more applicable to YOU right about now."

"What'd you just say, Irkenmeat?" The words came out in a menacing drawl as Lurich turned and headed for Zim.

"This may be interesting to watch," Riddick commented, leaning on his cane.

The shorter Irken backed up, eyes wide. "He eats regular Irken food, tell me he eats regular Irken food like regular Irkens!"

With one swoop, Lurich wrapped his hand around Zim's whole body and hoisted him up to eye level. "Ya wanna take that back?"

Flailing, Zim screamed, "LEMME GO!"

Amused, Riddick chuckled, "Unfortunately for you, he swallows Irkens your size whole."

A menacing smile sprawled across Lurich's face. "Yeah. Every now and then I feel like eatin' an Irken. I just love ta feel them squirm on the way down. Ya wanna try it?"

Zim blanched. He didn't have to know exact sizes to see that his whole body would fit quite easily in Lurich's mouth. "I TAKE IT BACK, I TAKE IT BACK!"

Snorting, Lurich released Zim, letting him fall to the ground. "You're just lucky I ain't hungry and I wanna take care of somethin' else."

Three shades paler than usual, Zim scrambled away from Lurich, reconsidering his plan to fight.

From right by Lurich's foot, Klitia shouted, "HIIII AGAIN LURICH!"

"I hate to interrupt your attempts to kill Klitia," Riddick droned, "But please tell me Cranic is flying the ship."

Lurich paused, his features spasming for a moment. "Uhhh… right… yeah… Cranic's flying the ship… let me just call in and see how he's doing…" Scrambling for his communicator, he flipped it on. "Please tell me someone's behind the controls!"

The same wavering voice answered. "Um… hello… Mr. Lurich?"

Seeing the main group distracted, Dib sidled up to Zim. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but why aren't you running?"

Zim scowled at him. "Invader never run. We just have temporary retreats."

"Then make one, you idiot! You're all the proof I've got!" Dib barked.

Irritated, Zim opened his mouth to tell Dib just how wrong he was… and snapped it shut. His enemy was absolutely right, it was time for a temporary retreat. Turning, he bolted in the direction of the Skool. Perhaps he could make a temporary base in those underground classrooms he'd heard of. Perhaps he could get GIR to follow him and set up a defense. Perhaps—a red wall rose before him, and he slammed into it headfirst. He crumpled to the ground, stunned.

Turning, Dib saw that Riddick hadn't even turned toward Zim. He'd merely pointed a finger in the fugitive's direction.

Lurich grabbed the communicator tightly. "Oh no… Lorelie, I told ya to get Cranic ta use his powers, you're too short for the controls!"

"Um… well… Cranic said he doesn't do… um… trivial work like that…"

The communicator creaked under Lurich's tightening grip. "I'll pop that big head! The ship'll go down without someone drivin' it!"

"I would sincerely hope, for your sake, that doesn't happen Lurich," Riddick rumbled darkly.

"Put that idiot on now!" Lurich squawked.

"Um, I can't leave the pedal I'm standing on, Mr. Lurich," the voice apologized, "If I do, the ship could… um… crash…"

"What about Mutan?" Lurich pleaded. "He has enough sense to help, yeah?"

"Um… I'm sorry… don't be mad… but I can't find anyone!" The voice quavered, threatening tears.

"On second thought, don't move at all. An' don't cry!" Lurich swallowed. "Can't ya hear 'em anywhere?"

"Ummmmmm… the ship's making too many vibrations because of the house it pulled up… I can't detect any precise movements. I'm sorry…"

"Just don't move. I'll think a' somethin'." He grumbled, closing the communicator. He shuffled over to Riddick, looking sheepish.

Their leader wore an impassive expression. "You have nothing, don't you?"

"Nada," Lurich mumbled.

Riddick's eyes narrowed. "This is not what we planned, Lurich, it was supposed to be quick and precise."

Scratching his head, Lurich whined, "I know that, but whaddaya want me ta do about it? I jumped outta the ship too, I got no way back."

"Excuse me?" Both glanced down to see Dib standing there, hands on his hips. "I don't know why you need Zim so badly, but I need him more. Do you have any idea what it's like to be disbelieved by the entire population of a planet? Do you? Huh? I didn't think so. So stop putting up those red walls and let him go."

Leaning heavily on his cane, Riddick pursed his lips. "Oh. It's you. The largeheaded child. Look, I don't have time for this. Zim's bounty was issued by his leaders, and it's something that would benefit me. As for being disbelieved, no. I have not encountered that problem. But don't you think someone would notice the giant ship in the sky, and all the green aliens? Or are your people that dimwitted?"

Biting back his anger, Dib grated, "At times, yes! Right now they're probably interested in an ant on the sidewalk, or are convincing themselves that this is some sort of cosplay. Which is why I need Zim!"

"I cannot give you Zim, but you can still have the camera. I think Klitia is using it to film… wait… where is she?"

"HIIIII MASTER RIDDICK!" A shout came from above them. The three glanced up. Above them hovered the ship. Tethered to it by several cords was Zim's base. Hanging from one of the cords was… Klitia. She clung to the cord with her legs, clutching a small Irken figure in her one hand. Said figure did not look pleased about being held so high up.

_Would someone tell this insufferable abomination to release me?_

For a moment, Dib forgot about Zim and the fact that he might be taken away. "WHY IS THERE A VOICE IN MY HEAD?"

Wincing, Riddick groaned, "Calm down, boy. It's just Cranic. He speaks telepathically."

Dib gawked. "But his mouth isn't moving…"

Lurich chuckled. "Cranic, you should really talk about abominations."

_Shut it you brain-dead mass. You, Irken mummy, put me down!_

Zim managed to gain his feet and put them to use, curving around the wall he'd run into. Immediately, a second wall rose, which Zim slammed into. He recovered a little more quickly this time, and began scaling the wall with his spiderlegs.

The sight of Zim's pathetic attempts refocused Dib. "If I have a photo and no alien, then they still won't believe me. It isn't worth it. Look, can't I just pay you to go away?"

Lurich was still looking up, grinning. "Go on, Klitia, let 'im go."

"KAY!" Klitia grinned, releasing Cranic.

_Well it's about ti—_his eyes widen, and he plummets to the ground. His mouth opened, and a infant-like scream poured out of his mouth. Dib rushed forward, arms outstretched to catch the falling creature, and was confounded when it stopped about a foot from the ground and floated in place.

Dib hadn't been able to get a good view of Cranic at a distance, but now he stared face to face with an Irken… creature, for lack of a better word. Its head was enormous and covered with veins. Its antennae were short and nubby, and its face seemed too small for the head. Red eyes stared contemptuously at Dib, while a small toothless mouth sneered at him. The head was at least twice the size of the body, which was covered by a tattered cloak. Fragile arms and legs were pulled in close to the body.

A deep chuckle jerked Dib back to the situation. "Never gets old," Lurich laughed.

_Very funny, you ignoramus!_

Staring, Dib muttered, "You… I don't want to know." He turned back to Riddick, frustration mounting. "So, can I pay you to leave?"

"What?" Riddick asked wryly, "You don't want to know about Cranic? Our resident one-year-old telepathic telekinetic annoyance?"

"I said I didn't want to know, and I don't care!" Dib burst out, "CAN I PAY YOU ALL TO GO AWAY?"

Lurich's smile faded, and he thundered, "What's the big deal leavin' Lorelie alone at the ship's controls?"

Rolling his eyes, Cranic retorted, _I told her the same thing I shall tell you. I don't use my power to drive a ship. That's for monkeys like you to do._

"Why you little…" Lurich reached out to grab him, but his arm came up short, held firmly in place.

Cranic raised an eyeridge. _Do you really want to fight me when the bountied one is getting away?_

Nearly at the top of the second red wall, Zim reached for the last handhold as Riddick erected a ceiling over him. Zim tumbled back to the ground, seething, "I hate you all."

Exasperated, Dib rubbed his forehead. "I think I'm getting a headache."

Cranic glanced at the child as he floated away from Lurich. He released his mental hold on Lurich, letting him fall clumsily. _I feel that way all the time. I'm surrounded by idiots._

"I know!" Dib exploded. "Why don't they wake up and use their brains for once?"

Once again, Zim attempted to run, and once again, he smacked into a wall. "So… much… HATE…"

Rising to his feet, Lurich crossed his arms. "Yeah yeah, you're real smart… but when ya need to rest…"

_Shut up!_

Grinning, Lurich mocked, "Awwww, did I make the baby cranky?"

_I said shut up!_

Dib threw up his hands, turned, and walked away. Zim realized with a streak of panic that his singular ally was retreating, and shouted, "GET BACK HERE, YOU EARTH-MONKEY, WE HAVEN'T FINISHED BEATING THEM YET!"

"Does the smeety need his blankeeee?" Lurich pulled a sad face. It held for about two seconds before he was thrown violently against one of the red walls Riddick had erected.

Cranic raised his hands to his head, holding it and glaring. _I… am not… a smeet._

Wheezing, Lurich groaned, "Should'a seen that coming."

Desperate to escape, Zim was reduced to crawling, but at every turn he came up against the red walls. Riddick yawned. "Well, this has definitely been fun, but I think it is time we take Zim." A red sphere enclosed the Invader completely.

On realizing the hopelessness of the situation, Zim stood and resorted to his general method of dealing with things. Screaming and banging on the walls. "RELEASE ME! RELEASE ME AND LET ME FIGHT YOU COWARD! COWARD COWARD COWARD!"

Riddick snorted. "Why would I let you fight when I've already won?" He glanced around once more, and noticed Dib returning at a fast clip, something in his hands. Dib reached Riddick and thrust a fistful of paper toward him.

"Will this be enough to make you go away?" He asked, panting.

"Ah, this is your currency," Riddick mused. "Irken money is ten times more valuable than Earth monies, so I'm afraid not."

"Yeah," Dib reasoned, "But think of it this way. There's probably a planet where Earth's money is twenty times more valuable, and this could make you rich. Aren't there always rare currency collectors?"

"Irken money is more valuable than any currency. None can match it."

_You…stupid…idiot…_ Cranic began sinking to the ground. _I used… too much… power… because of you…_

Klitia whooped, swinging down from the cords and landing beside Cranic, excited. "Oooh, are we gonna see baby Crainy again?"

Glaring hatefully, Cranic snapped, _Not if I have anything to say about it!... I just need to sit here… a minute…_

Sternly, Riddick warned, "If you change, I'm not looking after you."

Confused by the sudden change in topic, Dib managed, "Change? What are you talking about?"

"Ah. So now you want to know about him. When he uses too much of his power, his mind requires several hours of rest. This doesn't mean just resting though, his other half comes out when he's resting."

"… and what's his other half?"

"An infant." Riddick sighed. "A rather useless, annoying—"

"CUUUUUUTE!" Klitia interrupted.

"Helpless," Riddick continued, "Infant."

"Interesting…" Dib stepped back, an idea forming in his mind. It was stupid, far-fetched, and probably wouldn't work, but it was all he had. He slowly walked toward Cranic, his hand in his pocket. He had one last chance to bargain with them, and he needed to see this 'other half' surface for it to work.


	4. Desperation Tactics

With his back to Dib, Cranic ranted at Klitia. _It's not cute, it's a disgrace. I am possibly one of the smartest beings in the galaxy, and when I overdo it a little I'm forced to become a smeet. It's degrading._

"Na-uh, it's cute!" Klitia beamed.

_Shut up, Klitia!_

"Cute cute cute cute!"

_Rrrrrgh… If I wasn't low on power, I'd throw you into the wall too._

Deftly stepping around Cranic, Dib sidled up to Klitia and whispered, "I think Cranic is hiding candy from you."

Eyes widening, she gasped, "Really?"

He nodded solemnly. "Yeah, I think you have to find it, cause he's got it hidden in his clothes somewhere."

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously for a few moments, and he held his breath. Just as quickly, her expression snapped back into a smile. "Okaaaaay!" She darted toward Cranic, arm outstretched. "Gimme candy now!"

Alarmed, Cranic floated to the side. _Not again! How many times do I have to tell you, I don't have any candy!_

A snicker sounded from behind Dib. He glanced up to see Lurich brushing off his shoulders. "I've used that trick more than once. Never fails."

Swallowing, Dib stuttered, "Oh? Wh-what do you use it for?" His plan couldn't be THAT transparent, could it?

Lurich shrugged his huge shoulders. "What's about to happen right now."

Cranic's movements slowed as he tried to float away from Klitia's advance. _No… no… I refuse to use my power again… if I do… I'll…_

"CANDYYYYYY!" Leaping at him, Klitia pulled back her lips, revealing her sharp teeth.

_Flirk!_ An invisible force deflected Klitia, sending her flying several feet in another direction. Gingerly holding his head, Cranic groaned. _Ugh… stop… her… one more deflection and I'll be… just stop her!_

Casually leaning against a red wall, Lurich smiled "Nah. I'm good."

Edging around behind Cranic, Dib reached into his pocket. He still had a few candies left.

_You ignoramus… if I change… I'll kill you when I change… back…_

"I'll take my chances. This is always fun ta watch."

A few yards off, Klitia picked herself up, wobbling a little.

_Good, maybe she'll be too… disoriented to run… at me again…_

"Hey!" Came a shout from the red sphere. Zim grinned at Dib, having picked up on his plan. "Aren't you going to get the candy?"

Cranic stared in horrified shock. _You… you IDIOT!_

Stunned, Klitia shook her head to clear it. "Oh yeah…. CANDY!" Clambering over the rubble of the now ruined road, she made her way toward Cranic.

_Maybe I can roll out of the way…_

Zim cackled. "You are doomed. DOOOOOOMED."

"Says the Irken trapped in a sphere," Riddick drawled.

"Says the COWARD!"

_Maybe… if I just let her search me and not find any candy… she'll go after the human… for lying…_

"Oh no you don't." Smirking, Dib pulled out a handful of Jolly Ranchers and dumped them all over Cranic.

_NOOOOO! ANYTHING BUT THAT!_

"KLITIA SEES THE CANDY!" The bandaged Irken's speed doubled. A few feet from Cranic, she smashed into something invisible and bounced off, seeing stars. Cranic dropped his arms and went limp on the ground.

_Curse… you… all…_

With a gleeful clap of his hands, Lurich peered over eagerly. "And here we go!"

After a moment or two, Cranic lifted his head again, looking woozy. He looked around curiously, and a bit fearfully. He opened his mouth to cry, when he caught sight of candy all around him. Babbling with joy, he picked one up and began to suck on it.

"Who's stupid now?" Lurich jeered.

Irritated, Riddick massaged his forehead, his headache growing by the minute. This whole operation was going in the wrong direction.

"Wow," Dib mused, "Definitely different. How long does he last like this?"

Lurich shrugged. "Usually several hours."

Determined to get candy, Klitia struggled to her feet again, charging Cranic. She slowed to a halt near him, studying him for a minute. All thoughts of candy fled from her scrambled mind as she whooped, "BABY CRAINY'S BACK!" Swooping him into a giant hug, she began to spin him around as he giggled happily.

"I'll never understand that attachment," Riddick mumbled.

Seeing his last chance being pulled away, Dib trotted over to Klitia. "Hey! My turn! I want to hug him!"

Giddy, she stuck her tongue out at him. "He no wanna hug you!"

Drawing on every disappointing moment he'd experienced, he pulled the saddest face he could. "Please?"

Klitia looked at Cranic, who cocked his head and looked right back. She beamed. "Okay!" And tossed him over to Dib, who caught him with an oomph. Cranic was much heavier than he appeared. The Irken smeet stared at Dib's head, particularly at his hair, but Dib wasn't paying attention. He reached into his trench coat and pulled out one of Zim's laser.

Up to this point, Zim had been attempting to roll his sphere over Riddick in an attempt to crush him, only to find himself spinning in place and going nowhere. On Lurich's alarmed shout, however, he glanced up to see Dib wielding one of his lasers and yelled, "THAT'S MY LASER, WHERE'D YOU GET THAT?"

Backing up against one of the walls, Dib glared. "I have Cranic. Now, you have to let Zim go."

Blankly, Riddick stared at him. "No, I don't really."

Happily oblivious to the situation, Cranic grabbed the head of the laser and began gumming it. Dib pulled it away from him. "Yes you do, cause I have him now."

Riddick shifted. "Hmmm… care to tell that to Klitia, dear boy? She's about to kick your face in."

Glancing up, Dib caught sight of Klitia flying feet-first toward his head. "Whoah!" He yelped, dodging. For the third time that day, Klitia plowed into one of the walls, finally knocking herself out.

Dib breathed a sigh of relief. "Hah! Now hand Zim over!"

But Riddick wasn't looking at Dib, his eyes were on something at the far edge of the wall. "Huh. How did he get off the ship?"

Lurich pounded a fist into his palm. "Ah, now it's a party!"

Fearfully, Dib turned his head. At the top of the other end of the wall crouched a rather tall Irken. Not as tall as Lurich, but a few inches taller than Riddick. He was robed in gold and blue, and his lengthy antennae were tied together at the tips. The eyes reflected two colors, one deep blue and one fiery orange. Out of his mouth came a steady drip of green liquid.

Zim groaned. "Great. They never stop coming. How many are you?"

Casually, Riddick replied, "Only two more. They'll stay in the ship, hopefully. At least, Lorelie had better, since she's keeping the ship in the air. Meet Mutan."

Mutan leaped down, landing with grace. His mouth still dripped green saliva, and he stared at Dib, assessing the situation. Nervous, Dib drew back, clutching the laser tightly.

"Aw, this is gonna be fun!" Lurich crowed.

Aiming the laser at Cranic's head, Dib put his finger on the trigger. He continued backing up, eyes wide. His hand shook. He'd hoped they wouldn't call his bluff… he couldn't shoot anybody, much less a kid… He stopped with a jerk. A wall had risen behind him that hadn't been there before. Silently cursing this Riddick, Dib held onto Cranic, attempting to look threatening.

Growling, Mutan approached. He stopped a few feet from Dib and stood straight up, convulsing a little, before bending over and making a heaving sound. Bewildered, Dib watched as Mutan straightened again, his mouth now dripping yellow saliva.

"What the…" Was all he could managed before Mutan blew a yellow mist onto Dib's legs. "Ewwww!" Dib tried to swipe at the stuff with the hand that held the laser. Patiently, Mutan crouched, never taking his eyes off Dib. He didn't seem surprised when Dib's legs buckled out from under him, nor did he appear disturbed by the shocked boy's exclamations.

"What did you do to me?" Dib shrieked, still clutching Cranic.

"Hrisssssss!" Mutan answered.

"What? I-I don't understand…"

"I think that's a threat." Lurich volunteered.

Turning his head, Mutan spat angrily at Lurich.

"I think that was wrong, Lurich." Riddick yawned.

Clenching his teeth, Dib shouted, "I don't care what it was, I want Zim back, and you're not getting Cranic until I have him!" A frantic look lit his eyes.

Again, Mutan turned to Dib, bringing his face a few inches away from the boy's, hissing.

"You know, he can do that to your whole body," Riddick informed him, "Or something much worse."

Simple terror was the best description for Dib's state of mind, but he continued to hold onto Cranic and the laser.

Encased in his red sphere, Zim watched the proceedings with confusion. "he isn't normally this stubborn and stupid. This doesn't make sense, he wouldn't go THIS far for proof…"

Reaching out a hand, Mutan grabbed Cranic by the cloak. Dib slapped his hand away, with a sharp, "No!"

"Rrrrshhhhh!" Mutan stepped back, his eyes burning.

"Wow, you pissed him off good." Lurich pulled a wry face. "Too bad kid, looked like he was gonna let ya live."

"YOU CAN'T TAKE ZIM!" Dib screamed.

Mutan withdrew, eyeing the human. He wasn't Irken, or he definitely would have been dead by now, but there was something else. Something beyond stubbornness. The boy was obviously afraid, he reeked of fear, but he refused to give up. He sighed.

Eyes narrowed, Zim muttered, "Good Irk, I'd have left a long time ago. What the flirk is he still doing here?"

Again, Mutan began convulsing, bending over and making a vomiting noise, but this time his saliva was an angry crimson. It hit the ground, sizzling on contact. He dipped his claw in it and touched Dib's cheek.

It felt like fire, like acid burning his face. Jerking back, Dib cried in pain. He scooted away from Mutan, but the Irken merely followed.

"Hirrrrssssssh!" Mutan reached out, attempting to take Cranic again.

"Wow," Lurich puzzled, "Why's he going easy on the kid? He don't usually. I mean, how is this kid not dead yet?"

"Just let it play out." Riddick watched, fascinated.

"No, no, let Zim go!" Dib gripped Cranic hard enough to make him start to cry.

Enough was enough. Mutan stepped back and exhaled at Dib. A light blue mist settled over Dib.

The boy blinked. "What happens now?" His eyelids drooped. He jerked his head. "No!" He struggled to get away, but his arms felt heavy and his legs still couldn't move. His arms loosened and he slumped to the ground, eyes barely open. Mutan moved in closer, spraying more in his face as Cranic tumbled out of his arms, fussing. Dib's eyes closed slowly, and he slipped into blackness.


	5. Flight Preparations

Mutan watched the boy slump to the ground. Gently, he scooped up Cranic, and crept away with a sigh.

"What did you do to him?" Zim's voice cut through Riddick's observation.

The red-cloaked Irken shook himself. "Alright, the fun is over. We're leaving now."

"Awwwww, I like it here," Klitia whined. She'd woken up moments before, and stood near Lurich, weaving back and forth a little.

Lurich, on the other hand, shrugged his shoulders. "Works for me, I've had my fun."

"I SAID, WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE DIB-STINK?" Zim shrieked, slashing at the red light with his claws.

Red light pooled under the feet of the crew, forming platforms that lifted them toward the ship. Riddick began rising as well, keeping the sphere that held Zim nearby. "Relax. Mutan only put him to sleep, though I don't know why."

Eyeing Dib's unconscious form worriedly, Zim growled, "He'd better just be asleep. He's my future slave, and I need him in good condition so I can punish him for all his insolence."

"You won't need a slave with what the Tallests have planned for you, I'm sure, but that is none of my concern."

Excited, Zim beamed, "They mean to promote me? Well why didn't you say so, I would have come with you if you'd told me that."

Lurich stared at Zim in disbelief. "And I thought _I_ was thick-headed."

...

Harsh voices. Zim's harsh voice, demanding something, but getting farther away. Dib forced his eyes open. Something important was happening. Something he had to stop. Was it Zim? No, it wasn't Zim, it was about Zim. About the other Irkens taking…

"No! Come back!" Dib bolted upright and nearly passed out again. He took a few slow breaths, waiting for his head to stop spinning. Tilting his head up, he could just make out the Irken figures floating into the hatch open on the underbelly of the ship. "Idiot Irken!" His legs refused to move still. Turning, he began dragging himself along the sidewalk. The red walls blocking his path had dissipated with the departure of Riddick, and he had a clear shot to his house. By the time he reached his door, he was able to force his legs to wobble him inside. "Dad! DAD!"

Sparks flew from the kitchen into the main room, catching the couch on fire. Dib tottered over, slapping the flames out, and stumbled into the kitchen. His father bent over something at the counter, something that was giving off a lot of sparks.

Gaz sat at the table, eating a bowl of beans, and turned toward Dib. "You look terrible," she remarked, before returning to her food.

Glaring at her, Dib limped over to the counter. "Dad! Listen, they have Zim. The aliens have Zim, you have to come. I know you have weapons, like that blasting thing you did to the door last Christmas. I need some weapons!"

Professor Membrane lifted a hand and held it up to stop Dib's shouting. "Be quiet, son, I'm making….. A BRAN MUFFIN!" Lifting it high in the air, he inspected it lovingly.

"Dad! This is important! Zim was kidnapped, and I need weapons."

"Oh, that green chum of yours. I already told you son, he just has a rare skin disorder and was born without ears."

"HE WAS KIDNAPPED, DID YOU EVEN HEAR WHAT I SAID?"

"Son," the Professor sighed, "I'm sure he wasn't kidnapped by non-existant aliens. Maybe he just found some new chums with green skin and no ears to make social conversation with."

"But I saw him being kidnapped!" Dib grasped at a hope, remembering how he'd managed to enlist his father's help last time he needed it. "By Santa Claus!"

Gasping, Membrane bent over to examine Dib. "Now I know you've gone off the deep end, son. We all know Santa Claus does not exist, except in clearance malls."

"Then what's your huge anti-Santa arsenal for?" Dib shouted.

"In case one of those clearance store Santas tries to break in. We all know they are prone to anger, especially if the children have long lists." Membrane chuckled patronizingly.

Dib crossed his arms. "Yeah? Well one just ran off with Zim. I think that qualifies as a time to use the arsenal."

"Now son, we all know that clearance store Santas don't run off with children. Why do you think they go mad in the first place?"

Abandoning that line of reasoning, Dib burst out, "It WAS aliens, and they DID take Zim, and I SAW it, and I NEED that weaponry!"

Fists clenched around her game, Gaz grated, "Dad, give him the weapons so he'll shut up."

"Now son, that is too much weaponry to handle non-existent 'you have no proof' aliens. You would need people to assist you in not battling the non-existent aliens so you could not save Zim from his non-impending doom."

Blinking, Dib took a few moments to unravel his father's convoluted statement. "Wait, are you saying you're coming?"

With a sigh, Membrane conceded, "I guess I must prove to you through SCIENCE that aliens do not exist, and you are too young to handle such weaponry alone. Gaz, you will come also." When Gaz opened her mouth to protest, Membrane continued, "Now daughter, it could be a learning experience to not see aliens not being extraterrestrial."

Gaz growled. "Stupid Zim."

"Well, fine, I guess," Dib agreed, surprised, "Come on. There's an alien ship I repaired out in the garage." Seizing Membrane's sleeve, he half-dragged him out to the garage. Gaz trudged behind, growling about how she was going to kill Zim as soon as they rescued him. "We have to hurry, cause they're getting away." Dib pulled back a tarp to reveal a roundish purple ship with a cockpit bubble.

Confounded, Membrane stared at it. "Wow, son. This must have taken a long time to make it look alien, but good work."

"I didn't make it!" Dib protested. "I just fixed it. Do you have the weapons?"

"Indeed." The Professor fished in a pocket and pulled out a small cube. "Through SCIENCE I have designed this cube of infinite space. No matter the size or quantity, anything can be stored in it. Here." He tossed it at Dib, who caught it.

"Would you two hurry up already?" Gaz glared at them from inside the ship.

"How did you get in there already?" Dib demanded, climbing in. Gaz shrugged as Membrane joined them, and Dib began warming up the ship.

Shaking his head, Membrane silently admired the ship. His son could definitely design amazing things when he put his mind, to it, and the alien-like detail was astonishing to be sure, but in the end, it was likely just his son's school project that had gotten out of hand.


	6. Unfortunate Revelations

**Note:**__Even with the introduction of a female character in this chapter, THERE IS NO ROMANCE IN THIS STORY! Figured I'd dash your hopes before they were raised.

…

"This is no way to treat someone the Tallests are about to promote!" Zim barked, but no one responded. His cage was situated in the cargo bay, next to a crib that held Cranic. He scowled at the smeet. "You horrible baby."

His only reply was a giggle.

Raising his voice, he tried again. "If you're taking me to the promotion, there is no need to cage me. I demand freedom to move about the ship!" His shouts echoed off the walls, fading away. He shot Cranic a glare from the corner of his eye. "This is all your fault. I don't know how, but it is."

Oblivious to Zim's ire, Cranic rolled around on the floor of the crib, blowing spit bubbles.

On the right wall of the cargo bay, a door slid open. Through it walked a young female Irken. She vaguely reminded him of Skoodge in build, but was even shorter. A worn blue dress covered her bulky frame and a light blue bow was tied onto one antenna. But it was her eyes that startled Zim. They were small, even smaller than human eyes were, and pure black. She balanced a tray in one hand and held a small purple item in the other.

"It's about time!" Zim perked up hopefully. "You are here to release Zim, yes? Release me so I can prepare to present myself to my Tallests for promotion."

However, instead of unlocking his door, the female turned to the smeet and smiled at him. "Hi Cranic, how are you?"

Beaming at her, Cranic stretched his fragile arms through the bars of the crib.

"I know, I missed you too. I brought something for you." Setting down the tray, she handed him the purple item, which Zim now deduced to be a small stuffed bear.

"DO NOT IGNORE ZIM!" he bellowed at her. When she didn't even turn to him, but handed the bear to the smeet, he reached out and tried to swat it away. His reach was too short, and he screamed in frustration, "HEED ZIM!"

"I knew you'd like it." She cooed. "Here you go." Cranic took the bear and began gumming on its ear. Her smile widened a little. It faded as she finally turned to Zim, picked up the tray, and opened the door to his cage, entering. She gripped the edges of the tray and mumbled, "Um… Mr. Zim… I made this for you so you wouldn't get hungry on the trip to Irk."

No sooner had she set the tray down than Zim brushed by her, storming toward the door. "Finally." He reached toward the opening, and froze as an electric shock coursed through his system, hurling him back. Angrily he snarled, "What is this?"

"Sorry Mr. Zim… but, um… Master Riddick doesn't like people escaping…. It, um… makes him mad."

Glowering at her, he threatened, "The Tallests will hear how their greatest Invader has been treated, I can assure you that, and they will not be happy. With ANY of you. Who are _you_ anyway?"

She shifted. "I'm Lorelie… um… did Master Riddick tell you that the Tallests intend to…. Um… put you on trial once you get to Irk…. And once Master Riddick collects the bounty?"

Stupidly, Zim stared at her. "Trial. What are you talking about, trial? Zim has done nothing but further the glory of the Irken Empire."

"Um…. That's not what the Tallests said… um… on your list of, um, failures… on the bounty sheet."

"Failures? What failures?"

"Well… the Infinite Energy Absorbing Blob you made that killed two Tallests… deserting your banishment post… attacking your home planet… it was very long, I'm sorry…"

Zim continued staring, trying to bring his scattered thoughts together. The Empire considered those acts _failures?_ His greatest accomplishments? "Those were… they… it wasn't…" He sank to his knees, now staring at the ground. "… they're really bringing me to trial?"

Sadly, Lorelie affirmed, "Um… yes… I believe they are to have you judged by the… Control Brains… I'm not sure what they'll do… but the Tallests didn't seem to care…"

Blood drained from Zim's face. "The… Control Brains?" He groaned, covering his face with his hands as the severity of the situation began to sink in. "I'm doomed."

Reaching over, Lorelie patted his back comfortingly. "Maybe it won't be so bad, um, I heard the Control Brains grant pardons sometimes. Maybe you could get one… I mean… everyone deserves a second chance…"

Bleakly, Zim droned, "The Control Brains don't give second chances."

"Well… maybe they'll give _you_ one."

"And why do you care?" Zim snapped, drawing away from her. "You're one of my captors."

She gave him a small smile. "We're not always mean. I mean, look at Cranic… sometimes he's, um, really cynical and a know it all. but other times he's so sweet." She looked over to the crib, where Cranic rolled with his bear. "And then me… I'm not mean… I try to see good things in people. Even Master Riddick has some good in him."

"And yet you're all taking me to what is most certainly my death." Zim leaned against the bars and crossed his arms, shutting his eyes.

"It's not our fault. Riddick wouldn't even care about you or the Tallests any other time, but this money they are offering is too much to pass up for anyone. It could really help us."

"I don't care about your money! I need to get back to Earth so I can conquer it. If I conquer it, then the Tallests will take me seriously! Then they'll pardon me!"

Lorelie huffed. "Over the communicator they told us they didn't even plan on sending you to a planet. They just pointed in space, and Earth just happened… to… be… there…" She covered her mouth, "I'm… I'm sorry…"

Zim stared at her for two full minutes, allowing her statement to sink in. He turned his face away, antennae going limp.

Lorelie felt horrible. She should have let him think he was being promoted. but she hated lying. "I wish there was something I could do."

"There is." Her antennae lifted, eager to hear what she could do for him. "Leave and take that horrible baby with you so I can self-destruct in peace."

Horrified, Lorelie stammered, "No… please, um, don't Mr. Zim, nothing is, um, worth that, um, nothing!"

His eyes flashed up to hers, full of anger. "They're going to kill me anyway. Just get out of here."

Wringing her claws she pleaded, "They won't kill you, Mr. Zim, you can't think the worst, there are a hundred things that could happen. Don't assume the worst!"

Frowning at her, he growled, "Again, why does it matter to you?"

Abashed, she looked down. "Because… I've had horrible things happen to me… but I'm okay now. And the people on this ship have done horrible things, but they're not so bad as they seem. Like you."

"Oh really." Zim cracked his knuckles, a bland expression on his face. "What happened to you? You're just a smeet. Barely out of training probably."

She shrank a little. "I never had training. They would have said I was too defective to even pass the tests to get in."

"Defective? How… oh, your eyes."

Blinking, she nodded. "It's very hard to see out of them. They're not normal Irken eyes, and a lot of people saw that as very bad."

"You're fortunate then," Zim flicked his sleeve dismissively. "The training is some of the most grueling in the galaxy. You probably wouldn't have survived anyway."

"I would have welcomed training over the abuse I got from everyone!" She blurted. Swiping her eyes, she sniffed.

Zim glanced at her in alarm. "Now, don't start leaking. It isn't healthy." She wiped her eyes again. Peering around, Zim saw nobody there but Cranic. He inched over and carefully patted her shoulder, hoping to stem the leakiness.

She looked up and smiled, scrubbing her face with her arm. "Thank you."

Figuring he had nothing else to do, he asked, "What happened to you? What do you mean, abuse?"

Tensing, she crossed her arms. "Everyone where I was from… they would tease me, beat me up… they threw heavy things at me… just because of my eyes. All they saw was that I was… defective. Nobody stopped them, and I was… I was too small to try."

Incredulous, Zim gestured to the door leading out, "And these, these _people_, this crew, looks after you?"

She laughed. "I know… it's very hard to believe these guys have any compassion, but here, we look after each other. We're dysfunctional… and some cannibalistic… but we're like a little family."

"Family." Zim shorted, turning away again. "The Dib-stink has one of those. Irkens aren't supposed to have families."

"And why not?" Lorelie's fists clenche. "Why is it such a horrible thing to have a family? Irkens should be allowed to have them." She looked away, sniffing again. "It isn't fair."

Hastily, Zim redirected her. "Do you ever try to kill each other?"

Her shoulders relaxed. "Well, we do have some differences. Riddick is annoyed by things we do a lot. Cranic and Lurich fight all the time… when Cranic's not a baby. And then, there's Mutan—"

"No," Zim interrupted, "I mean, do you ever actually try to kill each other?"

"Well, Lurich has tried to kill Cranic sometimes… or all the time…"

Zim tilted his head, thinking for a minute. His eyes widened, and he moaned, "If that's the case, and you're like a family… then the closest thing I have to family is the Dib-smell… oh that is a horrible thought."

"Maybe it isn't," she offered, "I mean, could you imagine your life without him?"

"Not," he replied sourly, "That I have much choice at the moment… but probably no."

"See. He's almost like a brother to you." She beamed.

Zim looked ill. "What a horrifying thought."

She snickered. "It might not be if you think about it. I mean, from what I know, brothers fight all the time. Do you and Dib?"

"All the time," he growled, "Do brothers also want to display the other's guts to the world on live broadcasts?"

Soberly, she regarded him. "Something tells me that if it came down to that, he wouldn't do that."

"And how would you know? You don't even know him. You don't even know me."

Lorelie's antennae twitched. "I may not be able to see well, but I can hear perfectly. I heard him trying to get you back… and I don't think it was just for 'proof' like he claimed. I just have the feeling that, if that's how he behaves when you're being taken away… if it all came down to you on a table ready to be dissected, he wouldn't let it happen."

"Yeah. Sure." Zim grunted. "You… just keep believing that."

With a massive creak, the ship tilted. Zim slammed into the bars behind him, grunting. Instinctively he reached out and caught Lorelie before she hit the bars as well. Cranic burbled, tumbling to the side, landing against the softness of his stuffed bear.

Lorelie smiled up at Zim. "It happens all the time. I'm used to it. On the ship you get used to turbulence."

Zim nodded, then realized he was holding Lorelie. Quickly, he shoved her to the side, crossing his arms again.

She giggled. "I see you're not sued to showing kindness too much, Mr. Zim."

"I don't know what you're talking about," He growled.

Cranic joined Lorelie in laughing. "It's okay Mr. Zim, it's only me and Cranic here."

Grunting, Zim stared off to the side.

"Okay," she held up her hands in defeat, "I won't push anything. Anyway, I must go before Master Riddick starts to worry. But just think about what I said about Dib. I'll be back later with dinner, okay?" She gave him a quick hug, to his disgust, and walked out of the cage, shutting it behind her. "And don't lose hope." She gave Cranic a quick kiss on the cheek and walked out of the cargo bay.

Zim frowned at her retreating form, but did not extend his self-destruct mechanism.


	7. Fun With Cranic

Something soft hit Zim's foot. He turned, ready to scream at the offender, when he realized it was the stuffed purple bear. It had rolled through the bars of the crib and into the cage. Irritated, Zim bent and picked it up with the tips of his claws, tossing it back. "Get that away from me, I do not want your sticky, gummy bear."

Crawling over, Cranic giggled, rolling the bear back to Zim. The Invader growled. "Stop that!" And threw it back. Again, it was returned. Zim picked it up and hurled it at the crib as hard as he could. "STOPPIT!"

The bear bounced against the rickety crib wall hard, and it fell apart. Cranic trilled, rolling over the fallen bars and into the cage. Zim frowned. "So it's programmed to keep me in, but won't keep you out? Wonderful. As if this wasn't bad enough. Just… go back, okay?" He picked the smeet up and set him close to the bars, but Cranic continued to roll back toward him, convinced it was a game.

Disgusted, Zim retreated to the far side of the cage, glowering. For a moment, Cranic just looked at him, then began crawling toward him. Angrily, Zim shoved him hard. "Go away!"

Tumbling back, Cranic bumped his head on the floor of the cage. His eyes filled slowly, and he sniffed.

Alarmed, Zim stood. "Oh no… no no no no no…"

A small groan escaped the smeet's throat, followed by more, each successively louder. Clenching his teeth, Zim walked over and picked him up. Soon, the sniffing stopped as Cranic buried his face in Zim's chest, getting it wet with his tears. Zim grimaced, sickened, but didn't dare put him down for fear of restarting the barrage of tears, which seemed to be slowing down. Indeed, the longer he held Cranic, the more he nuzzled Zim's chest.

Zim wiped his chest frantically. "Stop getting gooey wetness on Zim! That's disgusting."

Cranic looked up at Zim curiously. The Invader frowned, waving his claws in front of Cranic's face. "What? What do you want from me?" At this, Cranic giggled. Zim paused, then waved his claws again. Again, Cranic laughed.

Zim paused to consider. He had few options. He could try to send the baby back to the crib, but that hadn't worked yet. He could set the baby down and risk it crying again—not an option. Or he could attempt to amuse the baby and keep it happy. Sighing, he continued waving his claws in front of Cranic's face, wriggling them a little. The smeet laughed harder, and the corner of Zim's mouth twitched upward, just barely. Maybe this wouldn't be too bad. Ignoring the part of his mind that was appalled by his actions, he began making space ship sound effects to the motion of his claws, making them take off and land on Cranic's head.

On a whim, Zim hefted him a little, then pretended that Cranic was a ship, flying him around the cage and making zooming noises. Beside himself with joy, Cranic stretched his arms, out, waving them and babbling happily. No one else ever took the time to play with him like this, and he loved every second of it.

Zim smiled, watching him laugh, but his arms were tiring. He set Cranic down by the bear. "Here. You want this, right?" Handing it to Cranic, he sat down as well.

Gleefully, Cranic hugged the bear tightly, then turned and held it out to Zim, smiling.

"What? No, that's yours. Just take it." Zim mumbled. Cranic continued to hold it out to him expectantly. Sighing, Zim gingerly took the gummed bear. With a smile, Cranic crawled over to Zim and sat next to him. They remained in silence for a few minutes, until a grumble from Cranic's stomach startled Zim.

Glancing over, Zim noticed the tray of food Lorelie had left. He picked up a small round biscuit and held it out for Cranic, before realizing that the smeet had no teeth with which to chew the food. Wincing, he looked at the tray again. A small jar of mashed food had been left, along with a little spoon. Zim frowned, getting the uneasy feeling that Lorelie knew this would happen. He popped the lid off and scooped some goo out with the spoon, holding it in front of Cranic. "Here. Eat." He commanded.

Cranic took one look at it and turned his head away, eyes squinting.

"Come on, eat." Zim pleaded. "I heard your spooch growl." No response. Glaring, Zim hissed, "Eat!" and shoved the spoon right up to Cranic's mouth. Cranic turned his head again, the spoon just touching his cheek.

Feeling the last of his dignity slipping away, Zim wiggled the spoon and made zooming noises. Sure enough, Cranic turned to watch, eyes wide. Zim made wider and wider arcs with the spoon, and as Cranic opened his mouth to laugh, Zim made a dive for the opening. The baby's mouth closed around the spoon, sucking off the food happily.

"Smeets are strange." Zim groaned, and continued this method of feeding him. After Cranic had cleaned the last of the goo off the spoon, Zim set him aside and grabbed the food left for him, his own spooch rumbling by now. Cranic smiled up at him, gobs of goo smeared all over his face. Queasy, Zim made a face at him. "You're a messy eater. You should eat like Zim." Snatching a napkin from the tray, he began wiping off the smeet's face. Cranic whined, waving his arms feebly at Zim, but was ignored.

"Now," Zim set him down and pointed him toward the crib. "Go back to your crib. Zim has much to think about."

Cranic whined, shaking his head, and turned himself back toward Zim, who sighed, "I need to think about things, smeet. Don't shake your head at me." Cranic shook his head again, giggling a little.

Frustrated, Zim pointed, "Just play with the bear, would you?" To Zim's chagrin, Cranic merely crawled back to sit beside him, smiling. "You're very frustrating, you know that? LORALIE!" He shouted at the top of his lungs, trying to get her attention. When this failed, he slumped back against the bars and gritted his teeth.

Cranic pulled his lips back, pressing his gums together hard. Zim frowned at him. Cranic returned the frown, pulling his mouth down. Zim blinked, waving his hand in front of Cranic's face. Cranic giggled, waving his hand at Zim, although unable to reach his face. With a grin, Zim began making ridiculous faces at Cranic, who copied each and every one of them.

Suddenly the ship rocked drastically. Zim was hurled against the back of the cage, and he barely managed to catch Cranic, who whimpered, eyes wide. Zim's eyes narrowed as he held Cranic. "That was no turbulence, what is going on?"

….

Lurich frowned at the screens, calling to Riddick, "We just took some minor fire from an Irken cruiser!"

Raising an eyeridge, Riddick asked, "Why would an Irken cruiser fire at us when we are delivering Zim to them?" Before he had finished the question, a button started flashing. "They're hailing us. Answer that, Lurich."

Lurich pressed the button, and Dib's face spread across the screen, tight with anger. "GIVE ZIM BACK YOU ALIEN CRETINS!"

"Way to win friends and influence people, Dib," A purple-haired girl drawled from behind Dib.

Riddick's brow furrowed. "This one is becoming annoying, and he has brought guests."

"Didn't Mutan teach you enough, kid?" Lurich scratched his head, confuse by the boy's stupidity. "Do you wanna die?"

The purple-haired one opened one eye. "Believe me, you'd better give him Zim back. Otherwise he'll never shut up, and I'll have to get involved. You won't like that."

Pushing Lurich aside, Riddick stood in front of the screen. "Believe me, you have no idea what you are dealing with, little girl."

On the other side of Dib, a man with a white lab coat and goggles gaped at the screen. "Really, your costuming is amazing."

Lurich snorted. "Who's the stiff in the lab coat?"

"My Dad, the greatest scientist in the world." Dib boasted.

Glancing at him, Riddick said dismissively, "Seen a lot smarter on other planets, but if he came he must want Zim back as well. If that is what you all wish, then by all means. We will be waiting for you." He nodded at Lurich, who pulled a lever, opening a hatch in the ship. "Be forewarned, we will not be easy on you."

The Irken cruiser pulled into the hatchway quickly. As soon as the door sealed on them, the three humans spilled out. Dib shouted at the empty room, "Where is he?"

A static crackle sounded from a monitor to their right, and Riddick's face filled it. "Well, let's see how you all fare on the ship then. Golgion, crush them."  
Blinking, Dib asked, "Golgion?"

The door leading out of the ship hangar slid open, and a large Irken stepped out. Unlike Lurich, his bulk was as much fat as muscle, and he had a leather mask with a partly stitched mouth. His green eyes shone through the eyeholes maliciously, and his short antennae twitched. He snarled at the intruders, cracking his knuckles. From the monitor, Riddick offered, "I'll give you one chance to leave. If not, Golgion here will kill you. So I will ask again, are you willing to risk your lives for this… Irken?"  
Dib paled, staring at the small mountain in front of him. The Professor, however, was fascinated and proclaimed, "Really, amazing disguises. But you can take them off now. You must tell me what chemicals you used to turn your skin that color, or what this horrible disease is."

"And you said he was smart," Riddick muttered in disbelief.

Swallowing hard, Dib planted his feet, standing his ground. Noting this, Riddick sighed. "Is that a no, then?" Dib's hands shook, but he nodded. "Very well then." With a snap of his fingers, the screen turned dark, leaving the three facing down a rather large, angry Irken.

**Note:** I know the sentences mostly began with names, but it's hard not to when it's a back and forth between two characters, and one is a baby. It'll get better in the next chapter.


	8. GolgiKong

**Note:** APOLOGIES! I uploaded the wrong document last time, it is normal now!

"RRRRAAHHHHHHHHHGGGGGHHHHH!" Golgion leaped into the air, landing ten feet from Dib. Snarling, he crouched, staring at the boy, waiting for him to make the first move. With shaking hands, Dib pulled out a squirt gun, pointing it at the monstrosity in front of him as Gaz pocketed her video game. To Dib's chagrin, the professor stepped forward, hands spread apart.

"Now now, there's no need for violence. All we want is the little green child."

In response, Golgion roared, pouncing at the Professor. For all his size, he was quite nimble. Dib sprayed a blast of water at Golgion as his father stumbled back. Golgion moved back as well, the water sizzling on his skin, but he merely glared through his mask at Dib. He didn't writhe or scream or shout curses like Zim. Gulping, Dib realized this Golgion must have a higher pain tolerance. He watched as Golgion raised a fist and slammed it into the ground, leaving a giant hole in the floor.

"Um, Dad?" Dib squeaked.

Nodding, the Professor pulled a tiny cube from a pocket and tossed it to Dib, who caught it, shouting, "What's this supposed to do?"

"Squeeze and throw!" The Professor pointed at Golgion, who charged at his son.

With a yip, Dib closed his fist around it and hurled it at Golgion. The cube hit him on the shoulder, exploding in a cloud of dust. For a moment, there was silence. Dib peered forward, and Gaz opened one eye. But when the dust settled, Golgion was still standing. His white tanktop had been blown off, and there was a large black mark on his shoulder, but aside from that he only looked angrier. He stretched his arm, cracking it, and leaped back.

"That did nothing!" Dib shouted.

Chuckling, the Professor threw more to Dib. "Of course not! It's not supposed to do much. Take some more!"

Dib caught them, confused by his father's statement. "Why?"

Membrane handed Gaz a few and replied, "Just run around and keep throwing them. Leave the rest to me."

The groan and scrape of metal rising came from Golgion's direction as he hefted an Irken ship the size of Zim's voot cruiser and glared at them, giving a menacing growl. Winding his arm back, he hurled it at them. Dib and Gaz bolted in opposite directions and the Professor barely cleared the area. Energized by the action, Gaz began pelting Golgion with the cubes from one side as Dib did the same from the other. Golgion stood there, grunting and enjoying the mini-explosions like a massage.

As soon as Dib ran out of cubes, Golgion leaped at him, slamming the boy's stomach with his head. Grunting, Dib flew back, slamming into the far wall. He clutched his stomach, a small trickle of blood coming from his mouth.

Meanwhile, the Professor had been rapidly assembling something. When Golgion turned to Gaz, the Professor hefted a small portable canon to his shoulder and fired it. A laser-like plasma beam shot out from it, hitting the side of Golgion's head. The Irken was flung into the far wall, leaving a massive dent in it as he fell to the ground.

Figuring he couldn't have survived a direct hit to the head, Gaz walked over, nudging his arm with her foot. Then she saw her mistake. The hefty leather mask, though burned on one side, had shielded his head. His eyes snapped open and his arm shot out. He grabbed her by the throat, lifting her into the air as he rose.

"Daughter!" The Professor panicked, firing at Golgion's head again. But the monstrosity just tucked Gaz under his arm and leaped away. Dib rolled into his path, hoping to trip him, but Golgion just jumped over him onto the hull of a scout ship. Roaring, he beat his chest with his free arm as Gaz tried to bite the arm that held her, to no effect.

"You'd better let me go if you want to live," She growled. His only response was a mimicking growl as he dodged more laser shots.

Gaz opened her mouth to make another threat when a loud whirring sound cut her off. A screaming, laughing mass of gray and cyan zoomed around Golgion's head three times. Golgion swiped his free arm manically, trying to hit it. Suddenly the cyan changed to red and the laughing voice shouted, "YOU ARE AN INTRUDER, INTRUUUUUUUDER!" The blur screeched to a halt in front of Golgion, extended a gun, and fired, barely missing him, then continued orbiting at top speeds.

Dib's jaw dropped. "I do not believe this… it's Zim's stupid robot…"

Seeing his first volley fail, GIR raised the intensity of his firepower, aiming at the arm Golgion used to hold Gaz, but his shots flew wild. Golgion quickly turned from GIR, holding Gaz away from the shots that slammed into his back. Encouraged by the sight of his lasers hitting home, GIR continued firing at Golgion's back.

Golgion grunted in pain, but retained his grip on Gaz. His back was large enough to shield her from any stray fire, but all the hits were taking their toll. He looked at Gaz, and set her down slowly. Siezing a chunk of metal, he flung it at GIR, sending the SIR unit crashing to the ground, before falling to his knees in pain.

Seeing an opportunity, Gaz ran. GIR shoved the hunk of metal off and ran over to Gaz, eyes cyan, squealing, "GAAAAZZZZY!"

The second GIR laid hands on Gaz, Golgion roared. Lunging to his feet, he rushed over, hurling GIR away. He stood in front of her, sides heaving like a bull in the ring.

Her escape foiled again, she squinted up at him. A few dots began connecting in her mind, and she called, "Hey you, big lunk. What's your name again?"

Grunting, Golgion turned to the hull of a nearby ship and scratched his name into the side, roughly.

"Golgion, huh? Well. Why don't you just go back where you came from for now. These dorks," She pointed at Dib and GIR, "Won't hurt me, and that's my Dad," she gestured at the Professor.

A blank stare accompanied her explanation, but he turned and stared at Dib, and then Professor Membrane. He shifted, seeming to relax his stance slightly, when GIR rebounded from under a pile of scrap, shooting wildly. Enraged, Golgion flung more scraps at the SIR.

Staggering to his feet, Dib rasped, "Gaz… what are you…"

"Shut up, you idiot, I know what I'm doing!" She hissed. GIR was, once again, buried under a pile of scrap. Gaz moaned in annoyance. "Golgion, just go!"

The giant turned and looked at her sadly. A faint whine escaped from under his mask. Frowning, Gaz shouted louder, "GO!"

The mountain ducked his head obediently and lumbered toward the door, only pausing long enough for it to open, then vanished through it.

Membrane glowed. "Well done, daughter. Alright, now what?"

Clutching his ribs, Dib gasped, "We should split up and look for Zim."

"Right." The Professor nodded, handing them each a weapon. Stepping through the door, they spread out, each taking a different direction.

Behind them, the bank of monitors flickered on with Riddick's face. Mild astonishment troubled his features. "Well well… that was… okay, I'm not exactly sure what it was. But do come in. We have plenty more where that came from."


	9. Brain Vs Brawn sort of

**Note:** Apologies for not updating for awhile. Some of you may know I work at Subway. Anyone who's gone to Subway this month knows that all footlongs are $5. This means THREE TIMES as much work as normal for us. So please, next time you see your local Subway representative, heck any fast food worker, tell them what a great job they're doing. They work so hard, you have no idea…

Rubber boots squeaked loudly as they propelled the Professor down the right hand hall. He held up a bio-scanner in each hand as he passed doors, searching for signs of life. Finally, it let out an annoying BLARP sound and he stopped. Blasting the door open, he burst through the ensuing cloud of smoke declaring, "Don't worry, little green skinned boy, we are here!" When nobody answered, he peered through the settling dust. Several tables stood arranged together, covered with beakers, pipettes, and high-tech lab equipment. He gazed at the set up wistfully, his fingers twitching, but a deep voice brought him out of his longing.

"Yeah, we don't usually use the labs, but Riddick does sometimes when we find stuff that's interestin'." Lurich, who had been slouching against a far observation panel, straightened and walked toward him slowly. "Care ta be the next test subject, Mister Science?"

Membrane shook his head, but stared in fascination. "Really, one could _almost_ believe you really are an alien. You have to tell me how you all got your skin that way."

Lurich's jaw dropped, revealing a row of razor sharp teeth. "Hello! Use that big head'a yours. This," he grabbed his own cheek and pulled, "ain't no costume. I'm a seven foot Irken, which is a whole 'nother species than yours. We're in outer space on a spaceship. And my skin ain't dyed or whatever ya think it is. It's naturally green! Sometimes you humans are even more thick headed'n me."

Chuckling, Membrane smiled, "Well it's no matter. We came to find my son's little green friend. Will you lead us to him?"

Lurich matched his smile and widened it further. "Sorry, but I gotta follow the boss' orders. I'm s'posed ta stop ya here. But if ya get past me you're more than welcome ta find 'im. But that ain't gonna happen."

"Very well then." The Professor tugged at his sleeves. "What is your name?"

"Lurich."

"I am Professor Membrane. It is a pleasure to meet you, but I must defeat you now."

Taken a bit aback by the smaller man's attitude, Lurich shrugged. "Okay then." His arm shot out and his hand wrapped around Membrane's popped up collar, squeezing. The collar didn't budge, though, and the Professor began fiddling with something in his pocket. Lifting him off the ground with ease, Lurich put more pressure on the collar, frowing as it only gave slightly. "What the heck's this collar made of?"

"A new substance our lab has been testing." The Professor replied.

"Say wha?"

Pausing, Membrane rephrased, "Really hard stuff."

"…I know that." Lurich mumbled. "I'm not that stupid." He glanced away.

"If you're not, then you should know that this is a fight you can't win. I'm a man of science, and have been designing weapons for a long time."

"Well Mister Science, the only weapons I need are my fists and my teeth." He spread his lips to reveal his jagged teeth again.

Unfazed, Membrane shrugged, his feet dangling. "Your funeral." He continued fumbling in his pocket.

Lurich glanced down. "Just what are ya tryin' ta get?"

"Oh, nothing important."

"Hm… well if I break yer neck it won't be." He squeezed as hard as he could, and the collar began caving in.

The Professor's fist flashed out, flinging a handful of blue sand in the Irken's face.

"Gaow!" Lurich shook his head, shouting, "What the hell was that supposed ta do other than make me wanna snap yer neck more?"

With a smirk, the Professor glanced at his watch. "Give it another… ten seconds." The sand vanished from Lurich's skin, seeping into his pores. In another few seconds, the Irken could feel a hundred thousand tiny mites crawling up the insides of his veins, biting every step of the way.

"Wha…huh…huh…. HuuuaaaAAAAHAHAHAAAAAGHHHH!" Lurich dropped Membrane and started to slap at his skin, dancing like a maniac. "Make it stop!"

Standing to his feet, the Professor ignored Lurich and attempted to bend his collar back into shape.

Furious, Lurich grabbed Membrane, throwing him into the far wall before collapsing to his knees, scratching like mad and groaning.

A whoosh of air left Membrane's lungs on impact and he slid to the ground. He rose, unsteadily. That had hurt, but the coat had cushioned his impact and it hadn't been horrible. After a moment, he gathered himself and finally popped his collar back into shape. Pulling a remote from his pocket, he fiddled with a dial on the front, and the biting and itching intensified.

"OOOOOOH HOLY MOTHER OF GAAAAH!" Lurich scratched harder. Rash spots began to form. "YOU BASTARD!" Shooting to his feet he rushed at Membrane, throwing him into a table full of glass beakers.

The Professor groaned, and rose a little more slowly than before. "That wasn't very smart." He twisted the dial again and took several large steps away.

Lurich collapsed to the ground, convulsing. There was no more itching, only pain. "I… can't… breathe…. Hurts…. Too much… pain…"

Membrane shook his head. "Alright, enough is enough." As he flipped a lever, all the itches and bites traveled up to Lurich's head. This would put an end to it, the Professor nodded, the pain would knock him out.

Lurich blinked, and took a shakey breath. "Oh… and ya almost had me there." Launching from his position on the floor, he butted Membrane hard in the stomach, sending him back into the wall. The remote skittered across the room. Lurich grinned, tapping his head. "Sometimes, it pays ta have a thick head."

"What?" Membrane gasped, coughing. He dived for the remote, but Lurich grabbed him by the foot, hoisting him into the air.

"Gotcha now, buddy boy." Membrane flew through the air, slamming into another control panel like a rag doll.

Membrane gave a sharp yell as his arm snapped. He slid to the ground, fumbling in his pockets with his good arm as Lurich loomed over him. The Irken grabbed him, slamming him into the wall again and holding him there, peering into his face. "I will admit, you're better than I thought, but I don't go down easy. Almost makes me regret killin' ya. Almost." He blinked and glanced down as something stung his arm. Membrane had pricked him with a pin. He snickered as a little trickle of green blood slid down his skin. "Is that it? Run out of ideas?"

Shrugging painfully, Membrane rasped, "Just a few seconds. Wait… green blood…"

A deadening spread up Lurich's arm. Membrane fell through his limp claws. "What the…" He took a step back, and his arm flopped to his side, unable to move. "Aw heck no!"

"You're aliens…" Membrane gasped. "All of you… green blood? You can't just fake… you're an alien! What did you… call yourself again?"

"Lurich, Lurich you… oh boy…" Lurich's legs gave out. He fell against the wall, sliding down to a sitting position, no longer able to move from the neck down.

"No, no I mean your race, what was your kind called?" He crouched by Lurich, excited despite the pain in his arm.

Sighing, Lurich replied, "Irken, and… I know I should be really pissed now, but, that wasn't bad Prof. I'll be fair and say ya got me this time. This is temporary, right?" He looked down at his limp body, eye twitching a little. "Bein' seven feet tall ain't no good if'n I can't use my limbs."

"Oh, of course it's temprorary. I've no intention of killing anyone. It'll be a few hours though." The Professor stood, shaking his head. "A real alien… but I have to find Dib's foreign friend… I mean the other… alien…" Shaking his head, he muttered, "I'll have to sort this out later."

Lurich rolled his head around. "And since ya beat me, I'll tell ya where Zim is. He's in the cell blocks, down the left hall from the ship dockin' bay. But ya might as well wait here. I saw the monitors 'fore I came, and the big headed kid's gone there by the look of it." Glancing at the man's crooked arm, he smiled sheepishly. "Sorry 'bout the arm."

Membrane touched it, wincing. "I suppose I apologize for this as well. But we're even I suppose. Besides, we're working on new advances in medicines on Earth, and broken bones take less time to heal now."

"Well that's good I guess. In the meantime, hey, it's a lab, yer a science guy, don't that go t'gether?"

"Indeed." Membrane glanced at him. "Normally I'd want to conduct research on you, but seeing as how you were such a worthy opponent, I think that won't be necessary." He stroked his chin, thinking. "Perhaps Zim, though. Since Dib wants that proof so badly, I'll let him have it."

The Irken's eyes narroed. "Now hold on a sec, Zim's not free yet, an' trust me, Irkens ain't that special. We got two organs like everyone else."

Openmouthed, Membrane stared. "Two? Two organs?"

Defensively, Lurich stammered, "Yeah, you got more?"

"Of course! There's the heart, lungs, liver, kidneys," he continued on, listing various and sundry organs.

"What about a squeedily spooch?" Lurich interrupted.

"I've never heard of that in my life!" Membrane proclaimed jubilantly, "I must know now! A whole new realm of science will open up because of this!"

"Wait," Lurich raised an eyeridge, "A squeedily's the only organ Irkens need ta… well, work… an' you need _all_ them things in ya ta work?"

"Well," the Professor hedged, "Some are optional. A human can function with only one kidney and donate the other, or part of their liver, but most are necessary, yes."

Lurich leveled a long, interested stare at the Professor, before stating blankly, "Yeah, no clue what them things do."


	10. Klitia and the Chocolate Taco Babies

Gaz's sneakers scuffed against the floor as she dragged her feet. She didn't really want to find Zim, but if she didn't, her stupid brother would never shut up about it. Growling, she muttered, "What is it about that stupid alien anyway?"

A faint giggle burst from behind her. She stopped, opening one eye just wide enough to peer around. "Hmm?" The giggles increased, and she could make out the sound of someone jumping around. Irritated, she shrugged her shoulders and continued.

Behind, Klitia crawled in Gaz's footsteps. A grin stretched across her face, her sharp teeth flashing. More giggles erupted from her. Gaz whirled, frowning, only to find nothing behind her. Klitia had darted around behind the girl. Her own cleverness tickled her, and she gave a short laugh.

Gaz whipped her head back around, still too slow to catch Klitia, and growled, "This isn't funny."

"Yeah, it iiiiiiiiiiiiisss…" Klitia's shriveled antenna twitched and she stuck her tongue out of her manic smile. She remained still as Gaz turned one last time, allowing the human to see her.

"No," Gaz huffed, "It isn't. Am I supposed to fight you or something?"

Klitia tilted her head to the side, slurping her tongue back in, and chirped, "Okay!" Springing from her position on the ground, she leaped to one wall, then to the other, ending on the floor behind Gaz where she kicked her from behind.

Gaz crashed into the wall, grunting. "Not… fun…" Pulling out a small weapon she'd chosen from her father's stash, she fired it. A purplish-blue goo flew out, splatting on the wall. Staring, she spat, "That's it? That's all this stupid thing does? That's… dumb."

"Ooooooooh," Klitia cooed as she poked at it. It stuck to her claws. "Sticky." It clung, making it difficult to pull away, and she frowned. "Hey… my finger! Bad sticky!"

Encouraged, Gaz turned the gun on Klitia, firing rapidly. The bandaged Irken sprang aside, avoiding the goop. "Nuh-uh, that's too sticky!"

Enthusiasm soon turned to irritation as Gaz continued firing. "Hit her already! Stupid gun!"

With one jump, Klitia reached the ceiling, grasping the edge of a vent. She swung backwards, then forwards, jamming her feet into the grate and smashing through. Her giggles echoed as she began crawling through it.

Nobody beat Gaz. Nobody. The girl shoved the gun into her pocket and jumped. It took her three tries to grab the edge of the vent, and she slashed her hands pulling herself up, but she made it in. Gaz could see the light from the next vent hole, but couldn't see Klitia. Guided by the sound of manic laughter, Gaz crawled through the vent until she reached the next hole.

"Whaddaya doin' up there?"

Startled, Gaz looked down through the vent to see Klitia, squinting up in confusion. Red spots floated in front of Gaz's eyes as she dropped through the opening. "I'm going to KILL you! This is NOT funny!"

"Yeah it is!" Klitia crowed. "Me an' monster head havin' fun, yep yep yep."

A long, slow creak sounded as Gaz's eyes opened fully. "Are you calling me Monster Head?" Whipping out the gun she began shooting again.

"Your hair looks like a mouth wiv teeth. Monster teeth!"

Enraged, Gaz continued shooting even her weapon began clicking and stopped releasing goo. Klitia, who had dodged every shot, slunk up to her. "No more sticky?"

Hurling the gun aside, Gaz roared, "I don't need it!" She balled her hands into fists and swung.

Grinning, Klitia dodged the fist and brought her leg up, kicking Gaz's stomach. Then her left side, her right leg, and her stomach again, sending her sliding across the floor.

Gaz's vision swam as she gasped. This was nothing like her video games. She was losing horribly, and she had no idea why. Klitia lay beside her, looking at her face with a smile, until she saw Gaz remained frowning. "You havin' no fun?" Gaz merely growled and tried to push herself up, lashing out with a fist. Klitia dodged and leaped up, double stomping her back. "You havin' fun now?"

A blur slammed into Klitia. A blue blur with its mouth opened in a huge smile. A blur that screamed. "WHEEEEEEEEEE! HIIIIIII!"

Klitia smiled back, just as widely. "HIIIIIIII back!"

They rolled to a stop and GIR sprang up, ecstatic. "WHAT'S YOUR NAME? I'M GIR, AND I FLEW HERE ON A GIANT SQUIRREL MADE OF CHEESE!"

"I'm Klitia, OOOOOOOOH A GIANT SQUIRREL! You know, they go like this!" With that, she bent over, chattering like a squirrel.

GIR waved his arms madly. "I know! And they shoot tacos from their eyes!"

"And chocolate comes from their mouths!"

"I LIKE CHOCOLATE!"

Groaning, Gaz crawled away from the worst beating of her life.

"ME TOOOO! And I like tacos!

"I WANNA HAVE A BABY MADE OF CORN!" GIR crowed.

"I WANNA BABY MADE OF CHOCOLATE TACOS!"

Their insane laughter echoed down the hall as Gaz continued to crawl away.


	11. Heart of a Warrior, Mouth of an Idiot

Creeping down the hall of the ship, Dib clutched his stomach with one hand, gripping a weapon with the other. He winced, each motion stabbing at his innards. A few broken ribs at least from that mammoth Irken's headbutt attack, he figured, nervously jerking at a deep boom somewhere in the ship. _Doesn't matter. What matters is I find Zim, and drag that stupid spaceboy out and back to Earth where he belongs._ Dib blinked for a moment. Where he belongs? Zim didn't belong on Earth, what was he thinking? He was only taking him back so he could study his insides.

Pushing the troubling thought aside, he continued checking doors. Most opened into various sleeping quarters or weapons caches, but one was already ajar. Doubtful he would find anything, he peered inside.

There, amongst boxes and crates, was a cage. Inside was Zim, holding that Irken mind-speaking baby and… flying him around his cell, making airplane noises. Dib's jaw dropped as he watched, Cranic waving his arms and laughing. Zim himself seemed to be smiling. The alien was smiling about something other than the destruction of Earth!

Dib burst out laughing. Startled, Zim nearly dropped Cranic. Quickly setting him down, his face resumed its normal scowl. "STINKHEAD! It took you long enough."

Snickering, Dib pointed, "What were you doing?"

"Nothing," Zim growled, "Nothing at all, get me out of here!"

Pain jabbed at Dib's middle as he grimaced, forcing himself to stop laughing. "Well where are the keys to this thing?" As Zim glanced around, Dib rolled his eyes. "You've been here for hours and you couldn't figure out where the keys were kept. Typical."

Zim opened his mouth to retort when the sound of jingling brought him to a stop. Both Dib and Zim turned their heads toward the sound, coming from the dark shadows to the side of Zim's cell.

Mutan slowly emerged from the shadows, his robe making a soft shushing noise along the ground, his mouth dripping green saliva.

The keys were in his hand.

Dib's eyes widen as he backed up. This was NOT who he wanted to face again. But he had thought about this, and fumbled with his pockets, pulling out a small mask and strapping it to his face. It was one of his Dad's, designed to filter air on a molecular level, making breathing more difficult, but safe.

Cranic turned to Mutan, babbling happily and reaching his arms out. Mutan turned slightly toward him, nodded once, and turned back to Dib, a blank look in his eyes. He didn't seem worried by the mask.

"Look," Dib's voice was pitched with fear. "I don't know who you are, or why you didn't kill me like they said you were going to, but I'm just here for Zim, okay?"

Mutan blinked his purple and orange eyes slowly, and extended his arm, dangling the keys. Uncertainly, Dib took a step forward, holding out his hand, but Mutan pulled the keys back, tucking them in his robe. Then, he crooked his claw, curling it repeatedly and staring at Dib meaningfully.

Dib swallowed hard. "I don't want to fight you, just give me the key, please."

Mutan shook his head.

Hands shaking, Dib took a step forward. Then another, and another. When he was about two feet away, Mutan suddenly bent over in a bow. Dib stopped, startled. "Wha…"

That was as far as he got. Mutan thrust a palm into Dib's stomach, sending him flying backward. He landed on his back, and immediately curled around his stomach, moaning. He pushed himself up to a crouch, spitting blood on the floor, then stood. Gritting his teeth, he stood, walking toward Mutan again. His stride was unsteady, but straight.

The alien regarded him strangely, as if unsure why his first strike had drawn blood from the boy.

When Dib stood three feet away, he stopped, and asked raspily, "Are you going to use that breath on me, or can we fight with our fists?"

Mutan stared at the mask, dripping blood from the end, and blinked. He wiped his mouth, but more saliva kept dripping.

Dib frowned. He hadn't spoken before, maybe he couldn't speak. "Just nod if it's a fight with fists, shake your head if not."

Slowly, Mutan nodded, still staring at the blood trail on the floor. Dib pulled the mask off, gulping in a deep breath of unrestricted air.

"What are you doing, you idiot?" Zim hissed.

Glaring, Dib retorted, "I think he has some kind of honor. If he says he won't I think he won't."

"You THINK, huh?" Zim scoffed. "Tell me that again when you're rolling on the floor in agony."

Mutan spit some green mist at Zim in warning. It hit the floor in front of him and he yelped, grabbing Cranic and pulling back. Mutan noticed this, tilting his head a bit. Then he turned to face Dib, whose fists were up and shaking a bit. The alien blinked slowly, and held out his chin, standing there.

"W-well, come on," Dib stammered.

Mutan pointed at his chin, daring Dib to hit him.

"What? There's nothing fair in that… just start fighting or something."

Sighing, Mutan spun his leg around, tripping Dib. The boy went down in a heap, but grabbed Mutan's let, jerking, counting on his million scraps with Zim to give him some advantage. Mutan just stared at Dib, bringing his leg up and the boy with it, then brought it down hard. Dib stood and lunged at Mutan, who swiftly dodged, chopping Dib on the back of the head-the easiest target. Dib rolled to the ground, clutching his head. He staggered back to his feet, seeing stars. Gritting his teeth, he feinted toward Mutan, then aimed a real swing at his head. Mutan blocked it easily, turning Dib's arm and palm-thrusting him in the back.

Dib stumbled forward, falling to his hands and knees, coughing up more blood. Zim snapped, "Back off you freak! Leave the hyuman smeet alone! Don't you know he's a smeet's age in Earth years? Of course he doesn't stand a chance!" He broke off as Dib surged to his feet again, very unsteadily, and hobbled toward Mutan again.

Mutan just stared at the blood on the floor, his face scrunching in sadness.

Swinging wildly, Dib hurled himself at Mutan, who just held his shoulder, keeping him at arm's length. He watched every punch miss sadly as Dib rasped, " Not… letting… you… take… Zim…"

The Irken couldn't help admiring the child's determination. Not many would still be this perserverent if they were clearly outmatched. And Mutan saw that this boy had been through enough… and for what? He looked at Zim. Saw the determination in Dib's faded eyes, and closed his own, debating with himself. They opened slowly, seeing Dib trying to bite his hand in desperation. Mutan's expression was pained as he upper cut Dib weakly in the stomach, just to stop his flailing.

Dib dropped to his knees, vomiting blood.

"Stop!" Zim shouted, throwing himself against the bars. "If anyone kills the earth-smell, it's me, get away from him!" But something like panic lit his eyes.

Shocked, Mutan knelt, examining Dib. How could such a light hit have done that… then his eyes narrowed. Turning the boy over, he felt around his stomach, encountering the broken ribs. Golgion. Lifting Dib's chin, he nodded slowly. Then he reached into his robe and let the keys fall. For a moment, Dib blinked, uncomprehending. Mutan stood, taking a few steps back. He made a motion, as if opening a lock with a key.

"You're… Just like that? I…." Dib gripped his stomach, wincing. He could barely move. He flung his hand out, grabbing the keys and sliding them at the cage as hard as he could. Zim immediately grabbed them and started fiddling with the lock.  
Dib lay on his side, eyes screwed shut. _So much pain…_

The cage door all but flew open as Zim burst out, skidding to a stop by Dib and grabbing his collar. "Don't you even think about dying, you monkey. Zim isn't through with you yet. Get up! We have to get out of here!" But Dib just lay there, groaning.

Mutan's head jerked up, and he turned, racing out of the room. In a moment, he returned with a medpack. Kneeling by Dib, he took out a small pill and tapped his own stomach. Weakly, Dib looked up at Mutan, then opened his mouth.

"Are you crazy? He could be poisoning you!" Zim snarled, raising a hand to bat the pill away. Dib blocked Zim's hand, and kept his mouth open. Mutan put the pill in his mouth, and drew his hand back. Dib's body began shaking as the pill began its work. Zim glared at Mutan, hissing, "If I find out you've killed him, I'll… I'll…" He bared his teeth.

Silently, Mutan pointed at Dib, who was sitting up. Old blood stained his mouth and clothes, but no more was coming out. The boy smiled weakly. "Thanks… what's your name? Can you write on something?"

Sticking a finger in his mouth, Mutan coated it in green saliva and wrote his name on the wall.

"Mutan." Dib pulled himself up unsteadily. "I'm Dib. If you're ever by Earth again, come by and say hi… but I have to go."

The alien nodded as Zim pulled Dib toward the door. Zim glanced back at Cranic for a moment, waving a little, before yanking Dib out into the hall.

Behind him, Mutan scooped up Cranic, following silently. Despite the fact he has spared Dib and released Zim, they were far from being let go, as Riddick was the last say in these matters.


	12. Promises and Farewells

Dib guided Zim back down the halls to the docking bay where he'd left the ship and the rubble from Golgion's attack. As he hurried through the connecting door, he caught sight of Gaz inside the ship. Already, a multicolored bruise was forming on the side of her face, and she was holding her stomach, wincing. The Professor leaned against the side of the ship, looking worriedly at his watch. Nearby, Klitia and GIR talked animatedly about tacos, squirrels, and everything in between.

"Why are they acting so… uncaptorlike?" Zim muttered. "Well, are we going?"

He had just reached for the ladder when GIR screeched, "MASTER!" And bolted past Klitia to latch onto Zim's head. Zim staggered back, shouting at GIR, oblivious to the red flash behind him.

The light disappeared, leaving in its place Riddick, gripping a still paralyzed Lurich's shirt.

"YOU COULD HAVE JUST LEFT ME THERE!" Lurich shouted. Riddick ignored him.

"Ah, my tall friend." Membrane lit up. "Don't worry, a few more hours and it will wear off entirely. Ah… and you might want to destroy that remote if it's still in the lab. No telling what those nanobots will do if left to their own devices for more than a day."

Lurich gave an uneasy chuckle. Behind them, Mutan, Golgion, and Lorelie shuffled in, the latter holding Cranic.

Riddick stared hard at the little rescue party. "So. You went through all this… for Zim? You care that much for him?"

The Professor coughed, but Dib crossed his arms and planted himself between Riddick and Zim, glaring.

Waving a hand dismissively, Riddick continued, "Don't worry. You have proved yourselves. I could kill you all right here, but you all seem to have bonded in a strange way…"

Zim noticed Lorelie standing behind Riddick, holding Cranic. He lifted a hand and gave a tiny wave. She waved back as Cranic giggled. Golgion stared at Gaz, whining sadly as Mutan gave a nod to Dib. Gaz opened one eye toward Golgion, then turned away. Dib nodded back to Mutan with a smile. Klitia grinned insanely at GIR, who laughed, clinging to Zim.

Slowly, Riddick shook his head. "I have never seen this before."

Lorelie smiled. "I guess, Master Riddick, friendships sometimes come in strange ways."

Riddick just stared.

Nervously, Zim cleared his throat, edging toward the ship's door. "We really should go."

"Before you do," Riddick flashed over to the ship's door in the blink of an eye, "Promise me something. After all, I spared you from the Tallests, and we have come to a mutual understanding."

Dib frowned. "Can't promise until we know what we're promising."

Riddick lifted his head. "Just that if we are ever in trouble, which I doubt, you will help us. And we will do the same for you."

Dib blinks. Everyone was a bit taken aback by that. Dib nods. "Absolutely."

Membrane dipped his head. "My arsenal is at your service."

GIR cackled, "KLITIA, REMEMBER THE POOPY DOGGIES!"

Zim just scowled, but wiggled his antennae affirmatively. Gaz crossed her arms, glaring at her lap, still sore over being beaten.

Riddick nodded. "Well then, I am sure we will see each other again. Until then, farewell." With that, he moved away from the ship door.

Zim stared. "Just like that?"

Dib shoved him. "Shut up Spaceboy, don't push your luck today." And with that, the small company loaded into the ship.

The renegade crew waved as the ship pulled away, except for Cranic who flailed his arms at them, and Golgion—still sad to see Gaz leaving—and Lurich, for obvious reasons.

Dib, the Professor, and GIR waved back. Gaz still stared at her lap, and Zim, well… he didn't want them all to see him waving. It wouldn't be Invaderly. But he nodded at them.

Klitia glanced up at Riddick. "Ya think we'll see 'em again Master Riddick?"

As the ship disengaged and turned back to Earth, Riddick responded thoughtfully, "Something tells me…we will."

**THE END.**


End file.
